I haven't been able to sleep to well lately. The paper had this big front page story about this tree that had been arested for shoplifting.
During the trial, it swore revenge (actually, some guy acting as interpreter said the tree swore revenge) (actually, he said that the tree was kind of upset and was going to sulk for awhile, but I could read between the lines).
Anyway, the tree refused to testify and was sentenced to life in prision (the judge was real harsh on these kind of things). Unfortunately, the prision had no where to put the tree, so they left it in a nearby field with an attack dog chained to it. A week later, the tree was gone, and a disgruntled letter from the dog claimed that he was going to look for some bitches in the bahamas.
Now I'm worried... What if the tree knows where I live? What if I'm driving down the road and a tree sudenly leaps out in front of me?
I mean sure, I carry a can of herbicide with me everywhere (who knows when a bad strain of kudzu will break out). But is this as good as mace? Or gypsy moths? What will I do if I wake up one morning and find a tree growing in my living room? I'll miss reruns of Gilligan's Island even.
I guess I'm overreacting a bit, but you just can't tell about these things.
Just in case, I'm moving...